The Furniture Follies Continue

I have a dream, and it's a very simple one. I dream of the day when the furniture in my house is all put together and each fully assembled piece is in its correct place. It's been over a year now, and that dream is still moving forward at a snail's pace. At this rate, it will probably become reality when my husband and I are dead of old age and my nephews and nieces are fighting over who gets the house like birds fighting over scraps by the downtown lake.

Lest anyone think that I am exaggerating the furniture follies, I now have material witnesses. My poor neighbors volunteered to let in the serviceman who was supposed to take apart our two wardrobes and move them upstairs. By the time it was all over, I think they realized it would have been easier, and more painless, to volunteer to donate a kidney.

A little background: Previously, when the wardrobes were delivered, the workers twisted, pushed, and pulled them at almost every angle, then declared it impossible to fit them up the stairwell. They argued for almost an hour on the phone with the furniture salesman; he insisted that they take the wardrobes apart, bring them up, and reassemble them. They declared that they only do deliveries and would just as soon load them up and take them back if he kept giving them crap.

Eventually, the salesman said that he would arrange for a service man to come out and take care of the issue at no additional cost. You'd better believe that I noted that fact in big, bold letters when signing the delivery slip. I've been through lots of issues with this store already over the delivery arrangements, and I've learned to get everything in writing and to always take names.

Sure enough, the salesman had arranged nothing. The service department called me, but said they would not come out unless I paid. As if! At this point, they should be paying me for the months and months of inconvenience.

I called the furniture store, and it took a few tries to reach the store manager to get it all hashed out. Most of the time, the person who answers the phone literally refuses you to transfer you to the manager. But finally I reached her and she set things up with the service department; now, the trick was arranging for someone to be home, since they only work on weekdays and we're usually only home on the weekend.

Our very kind neighbors volunteered to let the service man in. I don't think they realized that this was akin to volunteering to walking over barefoot over a mixture of hot coals, rusty nails, and broken glass. I won't even go into the tedious phone tag and screwed up schedules, lest I suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But finally everything was coordinated and the Day of Reckoning was on hand.

Of course, the serviceman was running late. When he finally showed up, my neighbor was surprised to see only one person. The wardrobes are enormous, so dismantling and moving them would seem like a multi-person job. But lo and behold, the serviceman suggested turning them on their sides and lifting them over the side of the stairwell. It worked!! All this time, and they could have been easily transported upstairs by the original deliverymen. My husband had suggested this approach to them, and they insisted that it was impossible. But between the serviceman and my neighbor, the wardrobes were soon in their rightful place at the head of the stairs.

We haven't been home since the latest chapter of the Furniture Follies, so I can't wait to get there this weekend. No more huge, galompin' wardrobes taking up half the space in our kitchen. Instead, we will finally have the additional storage space that we've been craving. I love our house, but I miss having a basement or useable attic. The wardrobes give us the equivalent of an extra closet.

Now we have just one more piece of furniture to go. We're still waiting for part of our entertainment center which came crashing down on our television due to being installed improperly. It's only been a few months...surely there are only a few more to go.

You can email me at celebration@mailblocks.com

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