School Days are Almost Here...Don't Forget Your Toilet Paper!

I couldn't help but be amused at one of the local news stories a couple of days ago. A report on Local 6, one of the Orlando TV stations, focused on school supply lists issued by Central Florida schools. I don't have kids, but back when I was in school, those lists usually contained items like crayons, a box of pencils, a composition book, notebook paper, etc. But apparently some local school districts have items like Clorox Wipes and toilet paper on their list! If you don't believe me, you can view the story for yourself:

http://www.local6.com/money/9551272/detail.html

You'd think that the potty would be stocked at district expense, but according to John Young Elementary School Principal Regina Ponce, most schools are asking for more supplies from parents and less from the district in order to route money to teacher salaries.

"Any time parents can help us with the less expensive items, then that's where I want to spend the bulk of the tax payer money," Ponce said. "Because those parents are taxpayers and they appreciate "A" schools and quality teachers."

I couldn't help but wonder: What if a parent refused to provide the potty paper? Would their child's right to poop be rescinded? Would the poor kid be forced to collect leaves outside during recess for later use or pray that corn would be served at lunchtime so they could save the cobs? Besides the butt wipes, I wonder if nauseous kidlets have to provide their own bin of that gross-smelling sawdust that gets tossed on vomit.

Some schools also require children to bring ten glue sticks each. At ten glue sticks per child in a class of 30 kids, you're looking at a 300-stick bonanza. Ponce explained that one as follows: Items like these this go into a reserve because getting them from the warehouse where the school district keeps its supplies can take up to a month. Basically, you're providing communal glue sticks to go into a district pool.

Another one that appealed to my wry sense of humor was a request for old socks and T-shirts to wipe down dry erase boards. No fancy-schmancy erasers for Central Florida schools when apparel from the rag bag will do just as well! After all, those high falutin' Office Max dry erasers run a whopping $2.99 each and only last for a year or two.

Thankfully, the Charmin-Gate scandal is limited to Orange County, and Celebration is in Osceola. Our schools have been embroiled in enough other controversies, so I'm glad we can sit this one out and know that the local kids attend plush facilities equipped with toilet paper and genuine erasers, secure in the knowledge that there are well-stocked supply rooms brimming with the hundreds of glue sticks that we all know are essential to a quality education. Meanwhile, over in Orange, I wonder if "chair" and "desk" will make next year's list.

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