Rap Cat Gets a Bad Rap

Let me preface this blog entry by saying that I am against animal abuse in any way, shape, or form. All three of my cats have a traumatic backstory (and Tooncinator alone proves my devotion to my pets...being feral, he has bit me to the bone at least twice, but we still let him live his Howard Hughes-like existence hiding under the bed 90% of the time counting toenail clippings). I am paying the board on a 30-year-old retired horse because I believe that animals are a lifetime commitment. My bird, Bradley, roams the house wild and free because I believe that caging 100 percent of the time is cruel.

But with all that being said, I just couldn't get myself fired up about allegations from Hillsborough Animal Services that the Rap Cat cat-in-a-bag promotion is cruel and a potential felony.

Yes, those yahoos actually believe that putting a paper sack on your cat is a felony! So do people who force Fifi into one of those lame pink doggie ballet outfits get the death penalty in Hillsborough?

Basically, what Checkers/Rallys is doing is printing a Rap Cat jersey on their bags, with instructions on how to cloth your kitty. Then, you take a photo or video and send it to them for possible inclusion on their website. Cute idea, right? I mean, cats crawl into bags on their own all the time, and if they get pissed at the prospect, the flimsy paper "jersey" is going to rip.

But the publicity-hungry folks in Hillsborough apparently crafted a press release that piqued a lot of interest among a media tired of the ongoing Anne Nicole circus of the bizarre. Click here to read the story in a new window; the video coverage was much more pathetic. It featured clips of pissed-off cats ripped off directly from YouTube. Pretty sad when the National Enquirer puts more effort into their research than Fox Orlando and its brethern.

We have wars, starvation, and poverty among humans, and cases of real animal cruelty where helpless critters are starved, beaten, dragged, shot, and God only knows what else. But in Hillsborough County, apparently their biggest cat-related worry is that some sick-minded felon to be will actually cloth Kitty in a paper sack. Appalling! Hang the bastard! And God forbid, don't force your cat into a flea bath or cram it into a carrier for a trip to the vet. If a Checkers bag is so abusive that it makes the national news, those things are probably grounds for an immediate lynching.

And what about me? Am I living on the edge of lawlessness with my own kitties? I most definitely would cram them (well, not Tooncinator) into Rap Cat costumes, save for one tiny detail: Checkers sacks don't come in Extra Portly Feline size.