Wednesday, August 06, 2008

If I Have to Suffer, So Do My Readers

Once again, Fox Orlando has broken into programming twice. Their big news story? Crime scene investigators have visited the Anthony home yet again. I'm not sure what is newsworthy about that, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's not about the's about the news department's desperate need for airtime. Really, I think it would be more newsworthy if crime scene investigators weren't at the Anthonys' house.

This seems to be a strictly Florida obsession for the Fox network. I watched a lot of Fox in Chicago, and I can't remember any break-ins except for perhaps the occasional tornado warning. Living in an area on the fringes of Tornado Alley, I was able to agree that a giant, swirling funnel cloud bearing down on my 'burb was a worthy reason to interrupt my court shows. But even that was somewhat needless, as we had tornado sirens that wailed a warning whenever meteorlogical danger lurked in the skies.

The absence of tornado sirens was one of the strangest things I noticed when we first moved to Florida. Even though hurricanes are our major foe, those provide lots of warning so sirens would be pointless for those. But our vicious summer thunderstorms are perfect tornado spawners, so it seems like the sirens would still be of use.

Nope. None. Nada. If you want a warning, you have to get a weather radio. I'd like to think that Fox would break in to warn me, too, but if a tornado was bearing down on Celebration at the same time that a member of the Anthony family burped, I know they'd cover the burp instead even as we all got whisked off to Oz.

I supposed it doesn't matter much anyway, since virtually no one in Central Florida actually has a basement. If a tornado bears down on our happy little down, the most that you can do is kneel down on the floor and kiss your butt goodbye. Supposedly a bathroom is the safest room, but two of our bathrooms at Duloc Manor are upstairs and liberally dotted with windows. The downstairs powder room is located, Harry Potter-like, under the stairwell, which is probably a good spot. Only problem is, I don't know how well two humans, three cats and a bird would actually fit inside. Maybe we'd be better off not knowing as Death in the Sky bears down.

Interestingly enough, the commonality of thunderstorms in Florida has the definition of "severe" for both hubby and I. Since he still goes back to Chicago semi-regularly, he can still compare the storms there vs. what we have in Florida. Recently his co-workers were lamenting on the ferocity of a storm, and he shrugged and rolled his eyes...compared to our tropical blasts, with their walls of rail and serial lightning strikes, a Windy City storm feels like God is barely spitting down from the heavens.

When we first moved to Celebration, I remember the sheer panic of being caught in one of those blinding water walls while driving. I'd inch along in the "tourist lane," terrified that I was going to rear end an invisible car, while the locals all whizzed by at insane speeds, nearly oblivious to the nasty conditions. Now, while I'm not as brave as a true native or long-time resident, I no longer go into a panic attack and say non-stop prayers as I precariously guide Kitt through the monsoon. Instead I proceed with resignation, knowing that it's a fact of Floridian life and much better than driving in a blizzard.

As I end this blog post, there has been yet another break-in on the television to remind me that the crime scene people are still at the Anthonys' house. Somehow, knowing that makes me feel so much better...I would be very upset if they had left and I had to wait all of 45 minutes for the 5 o'clock news to find that out.

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