You Know You're Back in Orlando When...

...the Fox Orlando television programming is continually interrupted with non-news about Caylee and Casey Anthony. My blog has been idle for a while as I was on a 15-day Disney Cruise through the Panama Canal. Even in Mexico and Columbia I was subjected to pointless blathering about the Anthony case on CNN, but at least they didn't continually interrupt programming.

We arrived home on Monday, but I didn't feel like I was really home until today, when my court shows were interrupted for the world's most boring press conference. Seriously, if they gave out Emmy awards for Most Dull and Pointless Press Conference and Worst Public Speaker, today's travesty would win hands down. Some dude from the search group that has been fruitlessly combing the area for poor little Caylee's body is currently reveling Fox Orlando viewers with such exciting phrases as, "An airplane is going over. Let's wait until it goes over. I wish I were on that plane," and "If we have more people, we can cover more ground." Oooo, really? Wow, that's so insightful!

On the lefthand side of the screen, Fox is running a loop of Caylee photos and video that I've seen so often that I'm surprised I don't have nightmares about them. Unfortunately, the press conference itself is so dull that the seen-'em-a-million-times photos are actually scintillating by comparison.

Even though it's been three days since I stepped off the Disney Magic, I didn't really feel like I was back in the real world yet. With the resumption of the who-the-hell-cares Caylee coverage, I know for sure that I am home.

Citricos Floor Show

Disney World is known for its dinner shows, primarily the Hoop Dee Doo Review and the luau at the Polynesian, although Mickey's Backyard Barbecue has its charm too. I thought we were familiar with all of them, but the other night I discovered a show at a restaurant where I would never have expected it: Citricos at the Grand Floridian. From what I could tell it was mostly a comedy, somewhat interactive, and we ended up with a front row seat.

First, a little background on Citricos and the hotel. It's one of the signature restaurants, and for good reason. The food is absolutely to die for, and the ambiance is generally lovely. The whole Grand Floridian hotel looks like something out of Mary Poppins, and Mary herself appears there at a character meal. There's an elegant staircase where countless wedding photos have been snapped and a live band to serenade strollers. My favorite time to visit is around Christmas, when chestnuts are literally roasting and a huge gingerbread house imparts a tasty cookie smell to the entire lobby.

We usually eat at Citricos early in the day, around the time they first open (5:30ish). It's still light out, and we generally get seated in the back dining room which has a pool view. That in itself can be a bit of a show; we once saw Cinderella's carriage, drawn by white ponies, go by on its way to a wedding. But for the most part it's quiet and low key, especially for a Disney restaurant where fussy, wailing kids are often the norm even at the fanciest and priciest places.

It's hard to describe the food, but if pressed I would say that it's fru fru Italian fusion. That doesn't really do it justice; there's a wide variety and it often changes weekly depending on what fresh ingredients are available. I'm a huge fan of their appetizers, especially the goat cheese truffles and what I call risotto mc nuggets, a name that doesn't do them justice (but I can't think of the real name right now). Basically they are deep fried balls of risotto, and they are so good! They also had an heirloom tomato and buffalo mozzarella salad imported straight from Heaven, but sadly it's off the menu at the moment.

The entrees are no slouch either. The rotisserie pork is my favorite, although hubby loves the short rib. The various fish dishes are tasty, too, if you're into seafood. For dessert, there are homemade gelatos that rival the godly concoctions I get in Palo on the Disney cruise ships, and the chocolate banana tort is amazing.

All in all, Citricos is among my top three favorite Disney restaurants, with Jiko and Artist Point holding the other two slots. Its only drawback is that the Grand Floridian's parking lot is located across the street vs. right by the hotel like Wilderness Lodge and Animal Kingdom Lodge. Actually, I suppose that the extra walk is a plus, since it burns off a couple of the calories packed in those scoops of gelato. In the worst case, if I want to be supremely lazy, valet parking is included free with the Disney Dining Experience card, but I usually don't resort to that unless it's a stormy day.

The Floridian is generally viewed as a hoity toity hotel, and Citricos has a matching classy ambiance. Nothing at Disney is too formal, since lots of people roll in fresh from the theme parks sweaty, ruffled and jeans clad. But Citricos is still upscale, so I never expected to have a show like we had the other night. On this occasion, we got there much later than usual because my husband had flown in from Chicago and his plane was delayed. I suspected there would be a delay when I made the reservation, so I'd managed to time it pretty close to his actual arrival. At opening time the restaurant is practically a ghost town, but at this later hour it was jam packed with diners. Instead of being seated in the back dining room, we ended up at a table in the one closer to the front.

We settled in for our meal and had just finished our appetizers when the entertainment arrived. It was a group of several adults and a troop of eight kids, none over the age of 12. They were brought to a table across from us, where the adults began arguing animatedly with the hostess. The argument went on for quite some time, and at first I couldn't decipher it. Soon I realized that the parents were demanding a table far, far away from their little darlings. Yes indeed, they were seating the kids in our dining room and demanding that the adults be seated in the back one! We saw this happen at Denny's once, when the parents insisted on sitting across the dining room from their rampaging kidlets, but it seemed a bit out of place at Citricos. It was quite a sight to see one of the adult men fuming with his hands crossed over his chest, his face pulled down in a pout as he waited to see if a table could be found. I half expected him to melt down into a tantrum and beat his fists on the floor.

One of the kids appeared to be almost comatose. I felt rather sorry for him, as he was slumping over the table with his head down, nearly asleep. It was probably around 9:30, so he was no doubt exhausted from a day of theme parking. The pouty man descended on him like an avenging angel, pulled him up, boxed his ears, and marched him out of the restaurant, apparently all for the crime of nearly nodding off. A few minutes later they returned and the man shoved him back in his seat. At that point a table at the other end of the restaurant had been found for the adults so they marked away from their spawn as quickly as possible.

With the first act over, hubby and I turned to our entrees which had just arrived. Shortly thereafter I noticed that the kids' table received some food, and they fell to devouring it like hungry, crazed wolves. For a moment I almost wondered if the parents were only going to let them have bread. It reminded me of a fateful visit to the Weber Grill back in Illinois. Like Citricos, Weber Grill is rather upscale and has wonderful food (virtually all of which is cooked in some manner on the namesake grills). One day we were eating there when a family with a huge gaggle of kids trooped in. They were seated and said they didn't want to order till their friends arrived, but they asked for bread. When the bread basket arrived, the kids fell to like they hadn't seen food in a week. They went through three bread baskets, and their supposed friends never materialized. All of a sudden they got up and trooped out, never to be seen again, although one of the adults did toss a dollar on the crust and crumb strewn table.

But the Citricos gaggle did receive actual food, and once they had consumed it they launched right into Act Two. Now re-energized by their repast, they took to literally chasing each other around the dining room, while one child entertained us by doing gymnastics using two chairs as parallel bars. With no parental figure in sight, they were obviously taking full advantage of their freedom. I could see why the adults had insisted on eating in a separate dining room; they were no doubt tucking into a relaxing meal while strangers were dealing with the antics of their spawn.

At one point the young uns regrouped at the table and began spiritedly throwing some food remnants at each other in a manner that would have made John Belushi proud. I noticed that a couple at a nearby table had called a manager over and were in the midst of a spirited complaint. I'm not sure if it was related to the Von Trapp Family From Hell, but that's where I'd lay my money since they were closer to the kids' table than we were.

By the time we were ready to go, I don't even think the kids were using the table as a home base anymore. They had pretty much dispersed around the restaurant and appeared to be playing some form of tag, except for one toddler who was sprawled out on the floor and rolling around like log. We shook our heads as we headed out, amazed that we had learned something new. I never would have pegged Citricos as having a floor show, but on this night they most certainly did and we'd been front and center to see it.

Oh well, I guess that after the antics of the wild kid troop anything else will be tame. Our previous award winner for Most Interesting Disney Dining Experience happened recently at Jiko. We were seated across from a family that was rather unremarkable for most of the meal. At dessert time they all abandoned the table, leaving one member behind...a grandmotherly looking type who proceeded to whip out a cell phone and weld it to her ear. Okay, not the best of manners but rapidly becoming a norm so it still wasn't all that remarkable...until the bodily function conversation began.

In a loud Boston accent, she proceeded to yelp into the phone about a friend of hers whose medication was making him "puke his guts and pee like a racehorse." Those were her exact words, repeated several times for emphasis at a decibel level that invited everyone around her to share in the visualization of her graphic description. Thankfully we were already on dessert or I would have asked the manager to have a discreet word with her. She yammered on about the peeing for another 10 minutes, then loudly began boasting about her disability card. "I just give it to the rest of the family and relax in the room while they use it," she bellowed. "It's great because they don't have to wait in the long lines and I don't even have to be there with them. I just love spoiling them when we're at Disney World!" I'm not sure what her disability was, but my money was on Chronic Diarrhea of the Mouth. As we walked out, she was babbling on inanely about her dog sitter.

Most of our meals at Disney are rather mundane, with only the occasional screaming baby or kid using a buffet serving spoon to sample the wares. But every now and then you get the Ditch the Kids Family or Horse Pee Lady, and that's the stuff that memories are made of.

Potty Time at Disney World

I was perusing a Disney forum that I frequent, and someone posted a question about the cleanliness of the theme park restrooms. In days gone by, the Mouse had a reputation for being squeaky clean. In those days, you could always count on pristine potties. But nowadays, I'm sorry to say that gross restrooms are the norm. It's not Disney's fault so much as that of uncaring guests, but they're usually pretty filthy lately regardless of the reason.

Interestingly enough, there were a spate of responses praising the spotlessness of Disney johns. Of course, these were from occasional visitors who come maybe once a year and whose last visit might have been years ago. As someone who visits the parks once or twice a week and who downs copious amounts of water to stay hydrated in the Florida sun, I know very well how dirty the restrooms have become.

It's become a bit of a running joke between hubby and I as to how many stalls I have to peek into before a find one clean enough to rest my fussy butt. Many are the recipients of a golden shower, speckled with pee from a careless squatter who was too lazy to wipe off their mess. Those are nasty enough, but the worst are the stalls where you encounter a couple of chocolate logs floating on a nest of tissue. Nothing makes me back out quicker than that nasty present left by the last occupant.

For those latter disgusting circumstances, I blame the automatic flushers. People have become conditioned not to notice whether the flusher actually worked, or perhaps they just don't care. Problem is, lots of parents have kids who hate those things, so they put a sticker over the sensor to spare the trauma for Juniorette. Of course, they don't bother to remove it, and now you've got a sullied stall.

You've also got the guests who think that just because one Disney restroom has automatic flushers, that means that all of them do. Sadly, they don't and the ones with old-fashioned manual handles tends to contain some of the worst toilet bowl surprises. You've got the self centered sorts, too, like the woman who told her companion as she exited a stall with her leavings prominently floating, "I never touch toilet handles."

Disney tried to keep up with mess; almost every time I'm in a restroom, I see a poor, long-suffering Cast Member trying to clean up the chaos. Problem is, as soon as they scrub out one stall, there's someone slipping inside to sully it again.

Fortuntely, my regular visits to the park have endowed me with a near encyclopedic knowledge of the location of every restroom and the usual condition of each. Those on the main drag or near popular rides tend to be among the worst. There are a few that are tucked away in "hidden" areas, and those are usually tolerable. On average, I end up having to check three stalls before finding one without a pee spray or filled bowl. My world's record is a whopping seven stalls; it happened one peak season evening at Epcot, and I was almost ready to despair before I finally found an acceptable potty place.

This neverending quest for the Perfect Potty has even invaded my subconscious. When I'm sleeping but need to wake up to go to the restroom, I'll dream that I'm in a public potty searching futilely for a stall. Unfortunately every one of them is useless. In Dreamland it's not just because of filth. Some might not have a door on the stall, while others are missing the seat. Regardless, I search in vain till I finally slog back from sleep to consciousness and drag my carcass to the bathroom. I live in fear of what might happen if I actually find a useable potty before I wake up!

If I Have to Suffer, So Do My Readers

Once again, Fox Orlando has broken into programming twice. Their big news story? Crime scene investigators have visited the Anthony home yet again. I'm not sure what is newsworthy about that, but I have to keep reminding myself that it's not about the newsworthiness...it's about the news department's desperate need for airtime. Really, I think it would be more newsworthy if crime scene investigators weren't at the Anthonys' house.

This seems to be a strictly Florida obsession for the Fox network. I watched a lot of Fox in Chicago, and I can't remember any break-ins except for perhaps the occasional tornado warning. Living in an area on the fringes of Tornado Alley, I was able to agree that a giant, swirling funnel cloud bearing down on my 'burb was a worthy reason to interrupt my court shows. But even that was somewhat needless, as we had tornado sirens that wailed a warning whenever meteorlogical danger lurked in the skies.

The absence of tornado sirens was one of the strangest things I noticed when we first moved to Florida. Even though hurricanes are our major foe, those provide lots of warning so sirens would be pointless for those. But our vicious summer thunderstorms are perfect tornado spawners, so it seems like the sirens would still be of use.

Nope. None. Nada. If you want a warning, you have to get a weather radio. I'd like to think that Fox would break in to warn me, too, but if a tornado was bearing down on Celebration at the same time that a member of the Anthony family burped, I know they'd cover the burp instead even as we all got whisked off to Oz.

I supposed it doesn't matter much anyway, since virtually no one in Central Florida actually has a basement. If a tornado bears down on our happy little down, the most that you can do is kneel down on the floor and kiss your butt goodbye. Supposedly a bathroom is the safest room, but two of our bathrooms at Duloc Manor are upstairs and liberally dotted with windows. The downstairs powder room is located, Harry Potter-like, under the stairwell, which is probably a good spot. Only problem is, I don't know how well two humans, three cats and a bird would actually fit inside. Maybe we'd be better off not knowing as Death in the Sky bears down.

Interestingly enough, the commonality of thunderstorms in Florida has the definition of "severe" for both hubby and I. Since he still goes back to Chicago semi-regularly, he can still compare the storms there vs. what we have in Florida. Recently his co-workers were lamenting on the ferocity of a storm, and he shrugged and rolled his eyes...compared to our tropical blasts, with their walls of rail and serial lightning strikes, a Windy City storm feels like God is barely spitting down from the heavens.

When we first moved to Celebration, I remember the sheer panic of being caught in one of those blinding water walls while driving. I'd inch along in the "tourist lane," terrified that I was going to rear end an invisible car, while the locals all whizzed by at insane speeds, nearly oblivious to the nasty conditions. Now, while I'm not as brave as a true native or long-time resident, I no longer go into a panic attack and say non-stop prayers as I precariously guide Kitt through the monsoon. Instead I proceed with resignation, knowing that it's a fact of Floridian life and much better than driving in a blizzard.

As I end this blog post, there has been yet another break-in on the television to remind me that the crime scene people are still at the Anthonys' house. Somehow, knowing that makes me feel so much better...I would be very upset if they had left and I had to wait all of 45 minutes for the 5 o'clock news to find that out.

The Desperation Continues

Fox Orlando has once again broken into the court shows with the following stunning news that Central Florida surely could not have waited for:

1) Casey Anthony (mother of the missing child in the ongoing case mentioned in my other blog post) was not visited by her mom! Wow! Her mother opted to not visit her in jail today! I am so glad that they interrupted "Judge Mathis" to tell me because I wasn't able to pay attention to the show anyway. My mind kept whispering, "Well, Casey's mother visits her a lot, but what if she decided not to today? That would be such a major development, and I wouldn't know about it!"

2) Casey has had some formal charges filed against her. No new evidence and no actual murder charges, just a dull assortment of obstructing-type things. Ho hum.

It makes me wonder, is the Fox news team really so deluded that they think anyone actually gives a flying flip about that crap? Or are they so hungry for air time that it's crossed over into some scary sort of mental disorder that will cause them to grasp at even more desperate straws when this case is finally over? Does it feed their ego deficits to feel that they are more powerful than poor Judge Mathis and able to knock him off the air at their whim?

Even as a mental health professional, I have a hard time making sense of it. We're back to the court shows now, and I'm a little uneasy because I'm afraid that Casey might pick her nose or bite her fingernail and I won't know about it. Silly me, I'm watching Fox Orlando...they would never deprive me of news of that magnitude!

A Recurring Dream

The Year of a Millions Dreams at Disney World became a recurring dream for hubby and I today. Last month we won Dream Fastpasses at Disney Hollywood Studio in the One Man's Dream exhibit, and in June on a solo visit I won a Dream Fastpass at Soarin'. Today we went over to Animal Kingdom, planning to do a safari and grab a few Single Rider runs on Expedition Everest. If the crowds were thin enough, we figured we'd do Dinosaur too. Then lunch at Yak and Yeti and we'd be out by a little after noon. Little did we know that we were about to have a recurring dream.

We arrived shortly after rope drop (I like to let the crowd disperse a bit) and headed to the safari ride to get a Fastpass. Then we figured we'd kill time on Primeval Whirl, since it rarely has a line in the morning, till it was time for another Fastpass. We'd get one for Dinosaur, then trek over to Everest. After some roller coastering, we'd do the safari with our first FP, have lunch, do Dinosaur with the second one, and then bail.

Primeval Whirl is the world's wickedest wild mouse coaster/tilt-a-whirl combination. Just as we'd suspected, there was no wait. I approached it somewhat apprehensively, since massive spinning sometimes gives me a whanging headache. I didn't have any after effects last time I rode it, so I was hoping that my resistance was building.

Each ride is different, depending on the weight distribution in the car. On our ride, the spinning was so mild that I agreed to do it again. The next time around, it was the Spinning Ride From Hell! Somehow we were perfectly space so that it whipped wildly in a circular frenzy. Even when it finally stopped, my head still felt like it was spinning. Fortunately it wore off quickly, with no headache after effects. That ride looks deceptively simple, but it has a wicked bite.

Since it was time to get another Fastpass, we started on our way to Dinosaur. As we passed Triceratops Whirl (basically the Dumbo ride with dinosaurs instead of elephants), hubby noticed there was literally no wait. We'd never ridden it before, so he suggested, "Let's do it" and I figured "What the heck?" That turned out to be a very good move!

We had our ride, then continued on our way. We noticed that Dinosaur actually had a very short standby line, so we decided to just ride it then and there. We joined the line, and as we threaded our way to the pre-show room, my keen eyes spotted a member of the Dream Team standing near the door. He was wearing a white vest over his blue shirt, which means one very important thing: Prize mode! I nudged hubby, but with his pessimistic nature he figured that the pre-show group before us were probably the lucky ones.

The Dream Team member smiled as we all filed into the room. Amazingly, I was the only person who realized what was up. Even with constant commercials and banners throughout the park, all of our fellow guests appeared totally oblivious that luck was upon them. As the room darkened for the video, I noticed two Dream Team Cast Members slip over to the exit doors so they could hand out whatever prize we were winning as people walked out to the ride.

When the video ended and the lights came on, two people nearly bowled the poor Dream Team over in a frenzy to rush to the loading area! Obviously they had no clue and didn't mind tackling anyone who got between them and the ride. The Cast Members managed to contain them and asked, "Does everyone here know what the Year of a Million Dreams is?" Mostly they were met with blank stares, but I applauded and a few people joined in, figuring it must be something good. Then they announced that we had all won Dream Fastpasses. I applauded again, but I could tell that most of my fellow guests were still in a state of confusion. Oh well, hubby and I sure knew what was happening! Our spontaneous decision to ride Triceratops Whirl had put us in the right place at just the right time.

We took our Fastpasses and high-fived the Dream Team as we headed out to the ride. Our quick morning trip to Animal Kingdom had suddenly changed course. Now we would get an extra ride on Everest, Dinosaur, and the safari, and we'd even do a repeat on Primeval Whirl since we could do it with no wait.

We had quite a busy day, with an overall total of two rides on Dinosaur, two on the safari, three on Primeval Whirl, one on Triceratops Spin, and four on Expedition Everest, as well as a leisurely lunch at Yak and Yeti. All that in a little over five hours, as we'd arrived at a little after 9 and were out of the park by 2:30. Best of all, I saw the cheetahs both times on the safari ride...they are my favorite animals, but they're elusive little cusses.

As we headed out to the car, we stopped at the coffee stand just outside the park for iced lattes. That's a tradition for me, and the icy cold beverages tasted so refreshing in the oppressive Florida sun. They were a perfect capper to a busy day.

Ironically, although I usually ride Dinosaur when I visit Animal Kingdom, I have a bit of a vendetta against that ride. It uses the same ride vehicles as the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, but that's where the similarities end. Dinosaur is a pale imitation of the awesome ride that is Indy. Thus I always remind myself that Florida got stuck with the red-haired stepchild version whenever I ride it.

Now that it was the scene of a lucky lightning strike, I suspect I'll be a little more kindly disposed towards it. No, it's not Indy, but whenever I'm in the preshow I'll have the happy memory of seeing the white-vested Dream Team and getting that Dream Fastpass placed in my grubby little hand.

Awww...No Hurricanes!

Apparently my good friends at Fox Orlando are bored out of their minds with the fact that there has been little to no hurricane activity this year. As I have chronicled previously, they love to break into the afternoon court shows with various non-events. One of their favorite is the weather, since Floridians are quite sensitive to the thought of another killer hurricane brewing ala the Charley/Francis/Jean trio. Thus the bored news and weather forecasters can justify air time, even when the supposed "hurricane" is a breeze caused by a whale fart somewhere out in the Atlantic.

Alas, this season there hasn't even been any sea mammal flatulance to seize up. But recently we've had a newcaster's wet dream in the form of a tragic child disappearance case. Little Cayley Anthony disappeared over a month ago, although her mother and grandmother only got around to reporting it 31 days after she supposedly went missing. The mom is in prison, and the grandparents steadfastly maintain her innocence despite having previously reported a smell of decomposition in their car (which the mom had taken) and other evidence that seems to point to not-so-clean hands on Mommy's part. A cadaver dog hit on the car smell as well as keying in on areas in their yard. There have been searches, digging, and a general media bruhaha but nothing in the way of concrete answers.

Fox has been desperately clinging to any tiny straw as an excuse for a break-in. Cayley's mom made a phone call. NEWS FLASH! BREAK INTO PROGRAMMING! Cayley's mom ate a cantelope for breakfast. BREAK IN IMMEDIATELY! She blew her nose...BREAKING NEWS FOR SURE!

Today was one of the most pathetic examples. Investigators were questioning the grandparents for perhaps the twentieth time and searching their home once again. Yawn. But that was good for a flurry of programming interruptions and face time for the newscaster. Then the sheriff called a news conference to say "Nothing new." In an orgasm of non-news acitivity, Fox televised the boredom while playing a loop of the same old footage from earlier in the day over and over, punctuated with photos of the poor child. Between us, hubby and I counted nine repetitions of the loop of cops carrying bags out of the house. Wow. Scintillating. Once surely wasn't enough.

I feel terrible for that poor little child, and I fear that odds are slim of her turning up alive. But at this point I really don't want to hear another word unless the sheriff is wielding her body at the news conference. Sadly, I suspect that the non-news reporting will continue with unabated enthusiasm unless a hurricane finally whips up.

Can't wait to find out how many times Cayley's mom blinked in prison today and if she burped after her meal.

Bye Bye Bennigans...Not

Yesterday my husband informed me that Bennigan's was no more. According to his gloom and doom announcement, the Irish pub and grill chain had announced its bankruptcy and ceased to exist. That made me a bit sad, as Bennigan's features in many of our little family memories. Perhaps the fondest goes back to a time before we were married. When we first started dating, I had no intention of ever tying the knot, and I had announced as much to my eventual husband to be. I told him I was only in it for the good times, and he just smirked knowingly (and it still annoys me that he turned out to be right, but who can turn down a man who cooks, does laundry, vaccums, and cleans cat vomit?).

In those early years of our courtship, there was a Bennigan's near his home. Given its convenient location (and my addiction to their Mason jar ice cream dessert), it was the site of many dates. At the time, the park district had an indoor wave pool so we'd often go for a round of inner tube wave riding and then follow up with a Bennigan's dinner.

One day it was snowing, so he dropped me off at the front door while he parked the car. Because we were both fresh from the pool, our hair was dripping wet. There was no wait for a table, so the hostess seated me and I figured that he wouldn't have much trouble finding me. A few minutes later he showed up at the table snickering. "What?" I demanded, and he told me, "The hostess said your wife is over there." I guess the matching sodden coiffures that we both sported pegged us as a pair, and for some reason she assumed we'd been through nuptuals. Of course, it annoyed me to no end since I fiercely defended my single status...little did I know what the future held. Hubby still smugly reminds me of that day.

Ironically, Bennigan's played a big role in our eventual wedding. Being an unconventional couple, a plain old church wouldn't do for our ceremony. Instead, on Valentine's Day we headed to the top of the John Hancock Building and exchanged our vows with the Chicago skyline as our backdrop. Afterwards, where did our intrepid wedding party head for a meal? Bennigan's! I supposed it was fitting in a way.

Another Bennigan's milestone occurred a few years back, the day after our elderly cat Muse had died. At that point, we were down to only Tooncinator the crazy cat, which was pretty much like not having a pet at all. It was more like harboring a demonic creature that stayed in hiding most of the time, popping out only occasionally to savage you unexpectedly.

Even though I was still in mourning, I knew it would be good to get another cat. Even if we didn't decide on one at that day, we could fill out the paperwork at the shelter. They'd keep it on file for a month so we could always come back later to find a suitable pet.

Nothing particularly caught my eye, but hubby homed in on a scrawny black and white cat with an unhealthy yellow tinge to his fur and a sign on his cage that said "Not for adoption." Turns out that was because he was being treated for worms; they said they'd let us have him if we'd agree to continue the treatment. I wasn't too enthusiastic; I love tuxedo cats, but they have to have a white streak down their nose. This one's head was entirely black. But for some reason he bonded with hubby, so it looked like he'd earned himself a new home...almost.

We decided not to make any rash choices, so we went to lunch to discuss the potential new family member. Since Bennigan's was just down the road, that's where we ended up. We discussed the cat's fate as we noshed, and lucky for him he won out in the end. Now he's here at Duloc Manor, dubbed Stitch due to his unadoptable status, chubby, no longer yellowed, and totally incorrigible.

Now, according to hubby, no more Bennigan's memories would be made. Already I was missing my favorite drink (the Bulldog) and their tasty boneless Guiness wings. There is a Bennigan's almost right across from Celebration and another one out on 535, so we tended to bop between those two. I searched online and discovered that although all corporate stores were closing, franchises supposedly were not. I had no clue as to who owned our local stores so I figured I'd call them the next day.

Turns out that the 192 and 535 locations are just about the only ones remaining in the area! Both are franchise owned so both are still open for business, at least for now. To celebrate, I went to Bennigan's for lunch and indulged in Guiness wings and baked potato soup. Since it was only noon, I held off on the Bulldog.

Sadly, the Bennigan's where we had our wedding meal is closed, and I think that the other two we used to visit in the Chicago suburbs also met the same fate. Oh well, the memories aren't over just yet since we've still got two to chose from here in Florida.

A Segway Kind of Day

The Segway was the "personal transporter" that was supposed to revolutionize the world and have entire cities designed around it. I don't know what drugs its inventors were taking to come up with that fantasy, but of course it never happened. Who wants to tool around on a two-wheeled device in the winter or in a rainy climate like Florida? If you're a city dweller in a place like Chicago or New York, do you really think anyone will get out of your way so you can crank your Segway up to its 12 mph top speed? Can you realistically carry a heck of a lot while riding one?

Just as I suspected when I first heard about it, it's been relegated to the status of a novelty item. That's not to say they're not run to ride. I rode the old style several times on Disney's cruise ships and their island, Castaway Cay, when they used to offer it. Hubby and I also tried to take the World Showcase tour at Epcot (also on the old style), but it rained out so we only got an abbreviated version.

Now Segways have been upgraded to a more intuitive, easier to turn model. Better yet, they have one with rough-terrain tires that is used on tours of Disney's Fort Wilderness. Hubby and I have been planned to go on that tour ever since it was announced last year, and we finally got around to it this morning. I think what whet our appetite and finally pushed us into doing it was doing the free "sample" ride in Innoventions at Epcot. It had been a while since we'd been on a Segway, and it left us wanting more.

There are two departures on the day it's offered, but we chose the early one (8:30 a.m.) hoping to beat any afternoon rain. That meant waking up at a bleary-eyed 7 a.m., parking at the front of the campground, and taking an internal bus back to the Mickey's Backyard Barbeque Pavillion, which also happens to be the meeting point.

We made good time and were the first arrivals. We signed releases, chose helmets and stashed out stuff into the carrying pack and our Segways. Our fellow tour guests trickled in; the tour can accommodate 10, and we happened to have eight on this fine (but humid) morning.

Below is the logo on the Segways and a picture of the Segways themselves:

Before you head off onto the roads and back trails of Fort Wilderness, you watch a safety video and go through some practice like veering around cones and heading up and down inclines. Our two guides, Ron and Robert, made sure that everyone felt comfortable before we headed out. They also passed out bottles of water, which were quite welcome once we got out into the heat. While much of the area you ride in is shaded, the July humidity will still sweat you into dehydration.

There were some photo stops along the way. Here are hubby and I, with Space Moutain and the Contemporary in the far background.

Below are our guides, Robert and Ron.

We also went through a camp loop and stopped at the Tri Circle D Ranch to see the horses and some equine memorabilia, as seen below:

The white ponies in the distance below pull Cinderella's Coach when they are not relaxing. We saw them at the Grand Floridian the other day, harnessed to the coach, for a wedding.

Here was another scenic point at the edge of Bay Lake:

Below is some of the forest overhang. While some of the roads were paved, we also took dirt trails between the marsh areas and did a bit of optional off-roading (I think everyone took that option!). The Segways are governed at 6 mph so you can't do anything too crazy, but those thick tires certainly handle tree roots, pine cones, dirt ruts, and sand without any problems.

We also visited the Wilderness Lodge, where it was quite amusing to see the surprised looks on guests' faces as we headed around the exterior areas of the hotel. In addition to riding and sightseeing, Ron and Robert hit us up with lots of Disney trivia questions. They had plenty of silly jokes, too, reminiscent of the Jungle Cruise. It was most definitely a Disney experience!

The tour is billed as lasting two hours, and it does indeed go the whole time. Of course, some time in the beginning is devoted to the training, but you're out on the trails by 9. There are restroom facilities at the start of the tour and also a stop near the facilities outside of Hoop De Doo, although no one needed to go at that point. Other than that, you won't hit anymore restrooms till the end of the tour, but no one seemed to be too desperate.

Both hubby and I had a blast. While you don't ride full tilt or do anything crazy, you do zip along at a good pace and have a couple of opportunities to off-road for brief periods. You see some lovely trails that most people who visit Fort Wilderness miss, and the guides will explain the various flora and fauna along the way.

No one in our group seemed to have much trouble mastering the Segways. One couple seemed a little unsteady early on, but by the time it was over they appeared to have built up their comfort level. Both hubby and I had no problems at all, since we've had previous experience. The only thing we had to get used to was turning bike-style vs. using the knob on one handle on the older models. The new Segways are a huge improvement, and the off-road tires feel very steady even on bumpy terrain.

At the end of the tour, we all received pins to commemorate our experience. I couldn't believe how quickly it had flown by! I want to do the whole World Showcase tour sans rain, but it will probably seem relatively tame compared to a Fort Wilderness jaunt.

We had made 11:30 reservations for lunch at Garden Grill in Epcot's Land Pavillion. We knew the park would be insanely busy, so we harbored no illusions about getting a Soarin' Fastpass for any decent return time. But amazingly, even tho' we arrived at a little after 11, we got a 1:15 return time! That is almost unheard of in July. Indeed, the standby line was "only" 50-60 minutes. That might sound like a lot until you compared it with the usual 120-180. I was quite surprised that Test Track's standy was longer (70 mins.).

The Garden Grill lunch is a character meal, and it's being discontinued soon. I wanted to do it one last time, since hubby and I used to do it fairly frequently when we lived in Chicago and came to WDW as tourists. It's a plated meal; you get catfish, chicken and beef, plus scalloped potatoes, green beans and rolls. You can eat as much as you want, and you also get a custard pastry with strawberries for dessert.

When we got there, the place was nearly deserted so we got some great character photos as you can see below:

After our meal, we killed time on the Living With The Land boat ride, in the single rider line of Test Track and browsing at the Epcot 25th Anniversary display. I especially enjoyed the Figment and Horizons memorabilia.

When we returned to the Land, we got new Fastpasses even tho' the return time was late and we knew we had to get home to work. I figured that we could just give them away. We had a lovely Soarin' ride, and on the way out we were discussing our Fastpasses. A man and his daughter overheard us; he had four FPs with an immediately return time and offered to swap two of his to us since he was staying late. What a lucky break! I wished I had some of my trader pins to give his daughter or something, but alas I was barehanded. Hopefully the good karma will come back around to him.

We grabbed our bonus Soarin' ride, then managed to slip in Spaceship Earth on the way out because the line had cut down to almost nil. We made it to the car just in the nick of time, as the afternoon showers started spitting on the windshield just as we pulled out of the parking lot.

All in all, it had been a great day, especially for July. We had an enjoyable Segway tour, a yummy lunch, and two bonus rides on Soarin' (we'd been expecting none), plus a few other rides just for the heck of it. I'm looking forward to doing the World Showcase tour in the near future, but it's going to have a hard time holding up.

One Man's Dream...Literally

I've been doing morning theme park visits, and today hubby decided to join me. Since we both work from home, we can juggle our schedules around some playtime as long as we make up for it later. I've been wanting to try Toy Story Mania, the new ride at Disney Hollywood Studio, so we figured we'd rush over first thing in the morning. We could grab a Fastpass and kill some time on Tower of Terror or The Great Movie Ride till our Fastpass time rolled around. In theory, Toy Story Mania has a Singles Ride so we might be able to get a bonus ride that way too. In practice, it opens and closes based on the phases of the moon, and it doesn't move too fast even when it's open, so we weren't counting on that.

We wanted to arrive a little bit after opening time so the major crowd would be cleared out a bit. Since we have a AAA parking pass, we knew we'd be able to get a good spot without having to arrive the moment the parking plaza opens. We made it shortly after nine, and as we approached the gates we could see it was going to be an ultra-busy day. The turnstyle lines were still backed up past the ticket booths. Oh well, we had our plans: get Toy Story Mania Fastpasses, kill time (preferably at Tower of Terror) till our FPs can be used, a lunch at Sci-Fi (we'd made ressies for 11 a.m.), and then bail.

We hustled to the Toy Story FP machines, which had lines almost as long as the ride itself. Somehow we made it through, then hustled to Tower of Terror, as hubby had sworn to me that its standby line never gets that bad. Maybe not when he comes to the park late, but at this point it was already sitting at half an hour and poised to keep an upward climb as more droves of tourists headed to that end of the park. Grudgingly I agreed to wait since I knew it would only get worse. I figured that we could get a Tower Fastpass before lunch and ride it again on our way out.

Next up, we decided to go back to Toy Story to see if the singles line had opened. They need something like the Bat Signal so you could tell from any part of the park rather than having to hike over and find out. On the way is One Man's Dream, a collection of Disney-related models and memorabilia, capped with a movie about Walt Disney's life. I'd been thinking about stopping in at some point if we needed to kill time...at the very least it's air conditioned, and I do enjoy the memorabilia. It brings flashbacks to Sunday nights gathered around the Radiation King brand television set watching the Wonderful World of Color. I figured we'd do that later, but as we approached I noticed the greeter at the door beckoning people inside.

That might not sound like an enticement for most people, but something clicked in my mind. It's the Year of a Million Dreams giveaway, and I've heard that when the Dream Team is doing a giveaway in a less-traveled attraction, the greeters will sometimes wave people in. They won't say why, but if you're savvy you will heed their siren call. I told hubby, "I think we should see One Man's Dream now."

He looked at me as though I was nuts, but he knows there is usually a method to my madness so he tailed me inside. Sure enough, there was the Dream Team! They had on their white "we're giving away stuff" vests and were shouldering black gift bags. It turned out that they were giving away the best gift for a crowded day: Dream Fastpasses. Sometimes they give away lanyards or hats, but the Fastpasses are perfect when line times are rapidly rising and the park is a wall of sweaty humanity. With a Dream Fastpass, you get one ride via the Fastpass line on all the FP attractions. In the Studio, that includes some good stuff like Tower of Terror, Rockin' Rollercoaster, and the ever-popular Toy Story Mania, as well as assorted other stuff like Voyage of the Little Mermaid, Star Tours, and the Indiana Jones and Motorcars stunt shows.

We proudly donned our Fastpasses; our day's schedule had suddenly been rewritten. It was funny to watch other guests come in after us and look confused as the Dream Team asked them to step aside so they could get their awards. Amazingly, I think that a lot of people come to WDW totally away of the Year of a Million Dreams giveaway. I guess it shouldn't surprise me since Fastpasses have been around for years, yet I see people constantly who have no idea what those are either.

We ended up getting three rides on Toy Story Mania: singles line (in the brief period it was open...and our luck continued, as hubby and I somehow both ended up in the same car, which is virtually impossible as a single rider), regular Fastpass, and Dream Fastpass. Before lunch, hubby got Tower Fastpasses, so we got in two more rides there. We saw Little Mermaid and did Star Tours too. When I'm there in the off season, Star Tours usually has no line; with the July crowd, it was actually up to half an hour. We did Rockin' Rollercoaster too; the standby there was something like 75 minutes.

Our lunch at Sci Fi was very pleasant. Their food is nothing to write home about, but you eat in a "drive in theater" at tables shaped like cars. They show all sorts of funny trailers for bad 50s sci fi movies. My favorite was "Plan 9 From Outer Space," since I love Ed Wood. I had a burger and hubby had pastrami.

If we'd gone with our initial plan, we would probably have been out of the park shortly after noon. With our new freedom to ride everything, we ended up sticking around till nearly 3 p.m. Problem was, we could see dark clouds forming in the sky and hear the distant rumble of thunder. A Florida afternoon thunderstorm was brewing, and it looked like it would be a close call on whether or not we could make it to the parking lot before the heavens let loose.

Fortunately luck was still with us. We made it to Kitt and were out on World Drive headed back to Celebration before raindrops started spitting on the windshield. What had started out as a two-to-three-ride morning whirlwind had been drawn out into nearly six hours of park time and three rides on Toy Story, three on Tower, one on Rockin' Roller Coaster, one on Star Tours, and the Little Mermaid show. Not bad for mid-July, especially with countless tour groups lurking around.

It made me think of one Dream Team member's comment to another guest. A few more people had walked in behind us, and I heard him tell them, "Guess what you won today? You won the gift of time." A perfect description of Dream Fastpasses for sure.

Celebration or Seattle?

By the amount of rain we've been getting lately, I've been wondering whether I'm in Celebration or Seattle. I can barely remember the last rain-free day we've had. Every afternoon and evening (if not earlier), we're enveloped in the midst of the thunderstorm. I'm beginning to forget what a blue sky looks like since I'm so used to puffy gray clouds.

Really, it's not all that unusual for this time of the year, and it's much better than a dry spell and increased fire danger. I can handle the thunderstorms as long as we don't have any hurricane threats. So far, all has been quiet out in the Atlantic.

The rain is much preferable to the snow that I had to deal with in Chicago. I'd rather tote an umbrella than a shovel and drive on wet pavement instead of ice, and you don't have to scrape raindrops off the windshield. Also, our rainy season whizzes by much past than the typical Midwest winter. Summer always seems to fly, and with it go the daily thunderstorms. In contrast, a Chicago winter drags on for months and month. Then, just when you think you're safe, you get a March blizzard. I'll take the storms and the lightning light shows any day!

The only bummer about the rain is that it inhibits our theme park visits. We avoid Disney like the plague in the peak season, other than an occasionaly brief visit in the morning or evening. But we have our Universal Premier Passes, which means front-of-the-line afer 4 p.m. Unfortunately, for the last couple of weeks the rains have been here after 4 too. It's just not worth it to slog around the park in a soggy rain poncho...yuck.

My husband's early afternoon water park visits have been curtailed too. He waits until much of the tourist crowd has gone back to their hotel rooms to nurse their sunburns. The last couple of hours usually mean managable lines, even in the summertime. Rain isn't a problem since you're wet already, but the water parks get shut down at the first hint of lightning. Since most summertime Florida rains are accompanied by copious amounts of thunder and lightning, that means a frequent call of "Everybody out of the pool."

I feel sorry for the tourists who are pretty much locked into summer visits. Usually you can work around the rain; when hubby and I were visitors ourselves, we were very good at working our meals around the afternoon storms. They would whip up, rage fiercely, and be done by the time we had finished our meal. Unfortunately that wouldn't work with our current rain schedule, which starts in the afternoon and runs through the most of the evening lately.

Oh well, I know it's just part of the cycle and the price of living in the tropics. Whenever I get too depressed about being housebound by a deluge of rain, I'll just remind myself that it could be snow!

Courtroom Overload

One of the most disconcerting things about moving to a new state is the change in local channels. In Chicago, I knew the trio of CBS channel 2, NBC channel 5, and ABC channel 7, along with independents WGN channel 9 (which is now a Superstation), PBS channel 11, and WFLD channel 32 (now Fox). Others, like channels 44, 60, and 66, flitted in and out of existence, but I could always count on 2, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 32 from the dark, pre-cable days all the way up to the present.

We had great local programming like B. J. and his Cartoon Town, featuring such memorable characters as Town Monument Blob, Weird, Mother Plumtree, Suggestion Box, and the ever popular smoke-spewing Dirty Dragon. B. J. was a shameless shill for Maurice Lenell cookies; my husband's sister won some sort of show-affiliated contest, earning their family a year's supply.

We also had Family Classics with Frazier Thomas, a Sunday afternoon staple in the Windy City. Frazier would introduce a wholesome movie like "Lassie Come Home" or "Boys Town." He also hosted the ever-popular "Garfield Goose and Friends," which featured scary puppets interspersed with scary cartoons like "Clutch Cargo." You may have seen a clip of CC on "Pulp Fiction." If not, imagine totally static cartoon people with a freaky human mouth as the only moving part. Click here to see for yourself, but don't blame me for the nightmares.

In adulthood, I had my list of staple shows on the local networks too. Sure we had a bajillion cable channels, but I am addicted to Simpsons reruns and court shows and those are found on the networks. I got addicted to court shows back in the days when Judge Wapner was the only game in town. Nowadays the TV courtrooms are run like a Jerry Springer episode, but back then Wapner ran a tight ship, assisted by intrepid baliff Rusty.

Now the shows have proliferated into a dizzying array, and many try to have some sort of unique twist. You have Judge Judy, the bitchy female. You have Judge Mathis and Judge Joe Brown, both African-Americans. You have openly gay and flamboyant Judge David Young. There's Judge Alex and Cristina's Court, too, but neither of them seem to have any particular schtick. And of course People's Court is still alive and well, currently led by Judge Marilyn.

Upon moving to Celebration, I had to learn the new numbers of all the local channels (or, more accurately, their position on the cable dial). Since I work at home, I leave the TV on for background noise so I was anxious to find a suitable local backdrop. Thank goodness the Court Show Contingent is alive and well on Orlando television. Starting at 10 a.m., you can watch straight through till 7 p.m. with only one gap. Technically it's not a gap, since it's considered a court show: Divorce Court from 2-3 p.m. But for me, it's not a real court show if it's not full of bizarre small claims cases. I don't want to tune in to heard estranged spouses laying into each other; after all, I'm a counselor and that's too much like work!

The court shows are always reliable; you can count on at least one dog attack case per week, as well as mutiple feuding broken-up couples where one claims they made a loan while the other swears up and down that it was a gift. You can count on a cell phone related case, too, where some poor schuck let a friend or former lover put their phone in his or her name. Other common disputes involve car accidents, ruined weddings, and the like.

I do have to flip between the two Fox affiliates in order to see the whole block, but that's not much of a problem. At 7, when Judge Judge finally goes off the air, an hour of the Simpsons start so I have a suitable TV backdrop all the way to 8 p.m. At 8 I become a network orphan, wandering through the cable environs in a search for Family Guy or Cops reruns or an Animal Cops episode, depending on the day of the week.

Maybe I should try to shift myself to more mainstream tastes, like CSI (I fully expect a 24-hour all CSI channel to crop up soon). But I can't help it; I've always had a soft spot for court shows and I think I always will. We all have to have our guilty little pleasure; I'll admit that I used to love the Weekly World News until it transcended all pretense of reality and then mercifully stopped publication. Now it's all about courtroom eye candy, and happily the Orlando channels make sure I get a whopping dose every day.

Early and Late

It might sound like the name of a convenience store, but Early and Late is actually my theme park survivial strategy now that we're in the middle of the peak season. Going at any other time is asking to be caught in the midst of crowds that rival a Japanese commuter train. Fastpasses for the popular rides disappear by noon, and wait times soar higher than a loose Mickey balloon.

If you get to a park first thing in the morning, you can grab a Fastpass for one of the must-sees, like Soarin' at Epcot or Toy Story Mania at Disney Hollywood Studio. My personal mission is usually to get to Epcot for rope drop, position myself to head directly to Soarin', and to catch a quick ride before grabbing that precious Fastpass. A lot of people go for the FP first, but in the time that they are getting it the line swells from 0 to 30 minutes or more. If you ride first, you can usually still get a decent return time, meaning that you've worked in two rides instead of just one.

On a morning not too long ago, I lucked out and managed three rides. I was there right at rope drop, in a prime position right at the front. I joined the massive pack of humanity in following the phlanx of Cast Members over to the Land pavillion, down the stairs, and to the Soarin' queue. So many people bailed to the Fastpass machines that I was literally the second person in line, with a kid in front of me (not sure where his parents were...maybe sleeping back at the hotel after a night of partying at Pleasure Island?).

As we marched down to the farthest loading area, I noticed a group of smiling Dream Team members waiting for us. Mind you, I've seen them many, many times before but it's always been when they were giving away something to the car in front of me or behind me on whatever ride I happened to be on. This time, they said, "Lucky! First ones to ride. And you're even more lucky because you win a prize."

My brain, which never fires on all its cylinders early in the morning anyway, was having a hard time comprehending this turn of events. They handed out Dream Fastpasses to everyone in our loading area. I accepted mine speechlessly...I'm not even sure I was able to mumble out a "thank you." I had seen so many guests wearing this coveted prize around their necks over the last year and a half. Now, finally, I had joined their ranks.

After my ride, I rushed over to the Fastpass machines and got one for a doable return time. Then I checked out the standby line, but it had already surpasses any semblence of reason. Oh well, no matter...I just snapped off my Dream Fastpass time and took another quick spin. Pure Heaven! Then I killed time on Test Track and a couple of the other rides till it was time for my regular Fastpass and headed home in great contentment, having had a surprise bonus ride.

Since I'm not much of an early bird, another trick I've learned is to head to Epcot at closing time, particularly on the days when the temperatures rival a furnace and the humidity requires you to dog paddle rathter than walk. All but the most hardy souls usually drop out, and most of those who remain are at World Showcase for Illuminations. Thus you might find a 30 minute line for Soarin' as opposed to an hour and a half earlier on a peak season day.

It's nice to be local because I can just pop in the car and head over at closing time. If I go a little earlier, I can fit in Spaceship Earth and a single rider spin on Test Track. Sadly, SSE has lost quite a bit of its appeal for me since they dumbed down the narration. Instead of Jeremy Irons' deep voice intoning an intelligent script, Judy Dench yammers lines like, "Wasn't it easy to learn your ABCs? Thank the Phonecians" or "Wouldn't it be nice to have a computer in your house? Problem is, they're as big as your house!" (Referring to the old models.) While I'm paraphrasing, the actual lines are just as lame.

But hey, you get a personalized Esurance-style commercial at the end, so I guess that's a bonus. I'll have to ride it at least a few more times so I can run through all the different selection options and see the different versions.

I thought that rainy days might make my end-of-day plan even more successful, but unfortunately it's just the opposite. If it's been raining for most of the day, apparently all the crowds that were holed up in their hotel rooms will flock to the parks as soon as it stops, no matter how late that might be. At Epcot, they realize they'd have to really hustle to make it to the back of the park for Illuminations so instead they flock in an endless herd of sheeple to Soarin'. After trying this strategy once, I quickly learned that it's pointless...better to stick to the hot, sunny days where the crowd is apparently thinned out by heat stroke by day's end.

Soon enough summer will be a fleeting memory, and the September lull will be here. In the meantime, I'll stick to my early and late policy; while it's not as much fun as marathon riding, at least it's enough of my "fix" to keep me from going into withdrawal symptoms.

Universal Takes Care of Their Passholders...Sort of

Ever since we got our Universal Premier Pass, we've swung over to the Darkside of the Other Orlando theme parks. It's hard to stand in long lines at Disney World or work to maximize the Fastpass system when we can just go to Universal after 4 p.m. and ride to our heart's content in the Express Lines after leaving our car in the valet lot for free.

Granted, Universal doesn't have Soarin', but I love the Mummy, Men in Black, and the Simpsons at the Studio, plus my boy Christopher Walken starts in Disaster now, and Terminator is still Orlando's best 3-D show. There is less at Islands of Adventure, but I do love Hulk and Spiderman.

How nice it would be for Disney to offer an equivalent pass with some sort of Fastpass premium. Since they don't, Universal gets a much bigger chunk of our discretionary entertainment dollars. When we go there, we almost always eat too and I drop a few bucks on the carnival games, so they're winning some dollars away from the Mouse.

Universal also has some nice passholder events. Granted, Disney usually has passholder previews of its new rides, but Universal goes beyond that. Last year they had an event for Halloween Horror Nights, and today they had a meet and greet with Brendan Fraser in conjunction with the new Mummy movie. Since my poor husband was in Chicago (well, not so "poor," since he was attending a NASCAR event), I went solo. It's a shame because I tend to hate crowded celebrity events. The excitement is lost on me; he would have enjoyed it so much more. But I went because they advertised a free t-shirt, and also because I could. At the very least, I figured it would make a good blog entry.

I dutifully signed up beforehand online and brought a printout of my reservation. I had some lunch, then headed over to Universal where sign-up was supposed to start at 3 p.m., with the event itself kicking off at 4. I figured it was going to be a major upchuck, since I was still having post-traumatic stress attacks from the HHN event. At that one, it was so disorganized that the team members sent a huge clot of passholders the wrong way to one of the haunted house entrances. That might not seem like a big deal unless you know that the correct entrance was far far far way. There was a lot of cursing and grumbling, but I also heard people saying that the previous year's event had been even more of a mess.

Still, it was worth it to get a head start on the houses, since the HHN crowds tend to be outrageous. There was a free gift, too, but that turned out to just be an advertising button.

Given the rampant disorganization at Halloween, I figured the same would hold true for Brendan. I arrived at 3 p.m. and discovered a never-ending line already snaking in an interesting pattern. I asked two team members whether it was the correct line for people who had RSVPed and was told that it was indeed. I asked the people at the end of the line, and they confirmed that they'd been told the same thing. Still, I had a hinky feeling...at Universal, when you're told something at a passholders event, it only has a 50% chance of being true. I asked a third team member, who confirmed once again that I was in the right place, but my suspicions were still not tamed.

The line continued to grow like the giant snake firework on "South Park." Hoochie Mama and her troop tried to cut the line in front of the people in front of me. They just did under-the-breath mumbling, but my South Side Chicago brass cojones know no such restraint. I point out the end in no uncertain terms, and after protesting that she was just "looking for someone to ask a question," she removed her entourage and disappeared off in the crowd.

Other than that, the line was relatively peaceful, probably because everyone was ready to collapse from the heat. The people behind me kept complaining about how much they needed some water, but when a team member selling ice cold bottles came by they didn't take advantage. They just went on and on with the complaints...I think they enjoyed having something to yammer about. I had come prepared with my own supply of H20 because I knew it was going to be a vicious 90+ degree afternoon.

The line appeared to be moving sporadically towards the sound stage, but suddenly my worst fears were realized. A team member came through, telling us we were all in the wrong line because we should already have been checked in and gotten our hand stamps. Huh? Me and all the people around me started up with a "No freakin' way!" rumble. Another person came through and said the same thing, but we all stayed in the line as it continued to inch forward towards the Promised Land of Air Conditioning inside the sound stage.

There was a flurry of major confusion at the entrance; I'm still not sure what it was all about, but I thrust my email at someone, got my mark, and hustled inside. The free t-shirts were given out as you entered, and apparently there were also free drinks too, but I skipped the refreshments in favor of trying to get a spot close enough to the stage to snap a few photos. It was already a madhouse, but I managed to get a clean sightline. All around me, people packed in like cattle in a slaughter pen. I pitied anyone who might be claustrophobic, as once you had staked out your spot you were pretty much pinned in by a wall of humanity.

There were stilt walkers for pre-entertainment, as you can see in the photo below:



I'm not a big stiltwalker fan ever since once snuck up on me at the entrance to the Mummy ride and nearly made me wet my pants. Hubby still busts a gut about that one.

I briefly toyed with the idea of bailing out. Would it really be worth standing around for another half hour just to catch a glimpse of Brendan? If it were Johnny Depp, there would be no question! But I'd already braved the worst of it, so I decided to stick around.

There were big screens showing clips about the ride and movie to make the time go a little faster. At the very least, the air conditioning felt soooo good! Finally 4 p.m. rolled around, and was Brendan was introduced (see below):



We saw a clip of the new Mummy movie while he provided a hilarious commentary from the stage. Meanwhile, I snapped a slew of photos in the hopes that at least a few would come out. As you can see by the one below, some are pretty decent:



Others were in hyper photo mode, too. I'm surprised the poor man wasn't blinded by all the flashes. According to the pre-material, there was supposed to be a question and answer session and trivia contest. Neither of those things materialized, but they did award a trip to the movie premiere in California to one lucky attendee whose free t-shirt had a red tag.

Afterwards, Brendan went to pose by a car for more photos. I worked my way over, but it just didn't seem worth another crowd scene so I bailed out before I got close enough for a shot.

On the way out, I answered a brief survey about my experience, then hustled to get to the parking lot before the storm that was brewing had a chance to drench me. I watched the gray clouds and lightning move in, but I made it into Kitt and onto I-4 before the Heavens let loose.

All in all, it was a balls-up but I figured it would be so what the heck. It was kind of fun in a madhouse sort of way. I guess it would be better if I were a star-struck sort, but the celebrity worship gene is pretty much missing in me (Johnny Depp and Harrison Ford excepted). I would be way more excited to meet Ray Bradbury than most famous actors.

But it was fun to see Brendan and hear his humorous commentary, and I got a free shirt to boot...that's a lot better than the HHN button. Now, whenever I ride the Mummy and see him in that scene at the end, I can say, "Hey, I saw that guy!"

Gay Days 2008

This post is a bit of a journey back in time, since Gay Days takes place early in June. Unfortunately, that very night was the evening I descended into Sinus Infection Hell, so I didn't get the entry finished and posted in a timely fashion. Here it is, a month late but finally done.

On the first Saturday in June, an abundance of red shirted guests descend upon the Magic Kingdom. It's a sure sign that Gay Days has rolled around yet again. Gay Days started as a one day event, but now it has expanded into a whirlwind week for gay/lesbian visitors and their families and friends to vacation openly in Orlando. But of all the goings-on, the event at the Magic Kingdom remains one of the most visible. Scarlet shirts blaze in all their glory on the vast majority of guests, and you'll see all manner of gay and lesbian couples and often their children too.

My husband and I attended last year for the first time ever. My curiosity had been piqued by the wild (often bordering on hysterical) descriptions posted online by religious fanatics. They described terrifying goings-on from “group urination” (I'm still not quite sure what that means) to blatant recruitment of youngsters into the ominous sounding “deviant homosexual lifestyle” behind Cinderella's castle. Since I am a therapist and work with many gay and lesbian clients, and since every one has known since early on that they were gay, I'm not sure how someone could be “recruited” into something that is an inborn trait. They also decried the blatant public displays of affection (PDAs) that would burn out the eyes of any God-fearing homophobe.

I'm not sure which Magic Kingdom the paranoid naysayers visited, but apparently it wasn't the one here in Orlando. Last year's Gay Days event was quite low key, with an added bonus of low crowd density due to iffy weather, so we spend a great day enjoying the park. Thus I was quite eager to make a return trip this year as my last blast before the peak season crowds arrived.

Last year, we got there not long after the park opened. This year that wasn't happening because hubby's Friday flight from Chicago was delayed by two hours. It comes in late to begin with, so with the delay we didn't return to Celebration till the wee hours. Neither of us was particularly eager to stir out of bed any too early the next morning.

We finally managed to get up and functional and reach the Magic Kingdom a little before noon. The moment we hit the gate area, I realized that the crowd density was waaaay worse than 2007. It was a sunny (and hot!) day, and the sunshine had drawn out a high number of “regular” tourists in addition to the Gay Days participants. Oh well, we figured it will still be fun to walk around and soak up the ambiance until our 5:30 dinner reservation at Artist Point. Even though I'm straight, I like to go and show my support. Hubby wore a red shirt, and I donned my typical Gay Days wear: a white t-shirt with a rainbow that declares, “Straight But Not Narrow.”

Our first stop was to get Fast Passes at Space Mountain, which had something like an hour standby wait. Then we did Wedway, Carousel of Progress, Buzz Lightyear, and the Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor. By that time, it was time to use our Fastpasses, but Space Mountain had broken down. We killed some time waiting for the Astro Orbiter, one of the slowest loading rides known to mankind, then returned to Space. Apparently it was functioning again, and we made it almost all the way to the loading platform before the stinkin' thing went 101 again. Sigh! At that point, we had waited longer than a typical Fastpass wait for nothing, so I decided to go to Guest Services to see if they'd swap out our Fastpasses and let us ride Big Thunder Mountain instead.

By now, it was almost time for the 3 p.m. parade, which is a HUGE highlight of Gay Days. I had no desire to get trapped on the parade route, which would prevent us from getting to the rides. Granted, it's pretty cool to watch the parade and the enthusiasm of the red-shirted audience, but we'd seen it last year and this year I was more interested in rides. Thus we hightailed it to City Hall and managed to do the swap before we got penned in. Next it was off to Adventureland, which would give us unblocked access to Frontierland and Big Thunder Mountain. First we stopped at Sunshine Tree Terrace or whatever it's called. All I know is that is has the tastiest treat to be found anywhere in the Magic Kingdom: a vanilla ice cream and frozen orange juice swirl cone. Mmmmmmmm! I was halfway to heat stroke from a combination of the sun and a raging sinus infection that was slowly tightening its grasp on me, so the ice cream tasted like heaven and soothed my scratchy throat.

While we were waiting in line, a very enthusiastic red shirted guy came bounding over to ask if he could take my picture while holding his Ru Paul doll. He was an absolute riot; if you've ever seen “Revenge of the Nerds,” he would have totally reminded you of Lamar. Apparently he liked my shirt, so I posed dutifully with Ru Paul in hand. Then he bounded off, happily looking for other photo ops.

He wasn't the only one who liked my shirt. It turned out to be a great conversation starter, and even those who didn't say anything to me directly often made comments among themselves about how much they liked the slogan. I think it's important for straight supporters of gay rights to be visible with their support, especially in a state where the ominous Amendment Two looms on the ballot. It is known quite misleadingly as the “Florida Marriage Protection Act” but it might as well be called the “Let's Discriminate Against An Entire Class of People Act...And While We're At It, Let's Screw Senior Citizens Who Live Together Too.” Personally I'm just not all that concerned about who wants to marry who. If loving gay couples want to tie the knot, why should I care or stand in the way? And I hate it when it's framed as a “Christian” issue because I'm a Christian myself, but as far as I can see, a) Jesus did not promote discrimination; and b) religious views have no place being used as the basis for law in the United States.

I did get one glare from a guy carrying his kid who appeared to be rather offended by my slogan, but he didn't say anything directly to me. Really, what COULD he say? How do you defend prejudice without sounding like an idiot?

We had fun chatting with quite a few groups of gay and lesbian park-goers. Once again I never saw any outrageous PDAs. Well, actually I take that back. Both hubby and I saw separate graphic displays, but both times they were being committed by hetro couples who apparently were doing dental exams with their tongues. Any parent, hetro or gay, would have no doubt covered their kiddies' eyes if they were in the vicinity.

We were going to ride Pirates of the Caribbean on the way to Big Thunder, but it was closed. “Oh, look!” cried hubby! “The Jungle Cruise is walk-on!” Foolishly I believed him and followed him into what turned out to be the Neverending Queue Line from Hell. I'm not quite sure how he missed the herd of humanity, but he swore that it had LOOKED like it was walk-on.

Oh well, our wait was rewarded by a riotously funny skipper. Interestingly enough, there was even one child on our boat. I think this is the first time I've ever ridden the Jungle Cruise on an all-adult vessel. I imagine that on Gay Days the crowd has less kids than usual, although I did notice a much higher percentage overall of gay and lesbian couples with their children. Far from being the raucous, obscene party that some insist on portraying it as, it's becoming more of a family event. Sure, there are plenty of childless couples too but I imagine a part of that is due to the archaic laws preventing gay and lesbian couples from adopting in so many areas. If that ever changes, I suspect that the number of families at Gay Days will multiply accordingly.

Next up it was Big Thunder Mountain, which was running in fine form. That is to say, it whipped me around like piece of china in an uncushioned wooden crate. By the time that was done, we were hoping to get in a last ride on the Haunted Mansion before going to dinner, but the line was 45 minutes and stretched out all the way to the main walkway. Reluctantly, we hiked to Toontown and hopped on the train for a final ride that would take us to the Main Street Station. I was amazed at how quickly the time had passed and sad that we didn't get any more rides, but that was tempered by the knowledge that a delicious meal lay just ahead.

Since I was feeling rather peaked, and my stuffed up sinuses were inhibiting my taste buds, I skipped the Copper River Salmon in favor of appetizers (venison spring rolls, a cheese plate, and the most godly mushroom soup ever to grace the earth). Hubby had mussels and salmon; I had a taste of his fish, and even my impaired sense of taste could tell that it was as delicious as ever. I topped my meal off with a selection of ice cream (not on the menu, but they'll do it if you ask), and then we headed home to conclude our second annual Gay Days visit. That's two years now that I've been unable to find the horror so graphically portrayed by homophobic paranoiacs. No sex in the streets, no recruitment at the castle, just groups of red shirted revelers having fun like everyone else. Oh well, maybe I was just lucky. Guess I'll have to try again next year.